


make it worth it

by fangirl6202



Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, Hispanic Spot Conlon, Hurt Racetrack Higgins, Italian Racetrack Higgins, Lawyer Spot Conlon, M/M, POV Racetrack Higgins, Protective Jack Kelly, Spot Conlon/Racetrack Higgins-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:47:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27529435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl6202/pseuds/fangirl6202
Summary: Anthony "Racetrack" Higgins' life was, if you excused the naivety, perfect. A cute loft in New York, his dream job, an idiotic yet caring friend group, and a loving relationship with his perfect boyfriend.Sean Conlon, who was lovingly referred to as Spot, was the love of his life.They had met in college and it hadn't taken long for the two to start dating. Spot himself was perfect: a little short, sure, but he was attractive and strong and kind and a lawyer and he was everything Race wanted in a partner. Well, everything except for one small, teeney tiny, insignificant thing.
Relationships: David Jacobs/Jack Kelly, Racetrack Higgins & Jack Kelly, Spot Conlon/Racetrack Higgins
Comments: 25
Kudos: 42





	make it worth it

Anthony "Racetrack" Higgins' life was, if you excused the naivety, _perfect_. A cute loft in New York, his dream job, an idiotic yet caring friend group, and a loving relationship with his perfect boyfriend.

Sean Conlon, who was lovingly referred to as Spot, was the love of his life.

They had met in college and it hadn't taken long for the two to start dating. Spot himself was perfect: a little short, sure, but he was attractive and strong and kind and a lawyer and he was everything Race wanted in a partner. Well, everything except for one small, tiny, insignificant thing.

Spot was cheating on him.

_I poured you a glass of wine and drank it for the second time_

_Then 7pm turned to 10, I'm still alone and my lips are red_

_But not in a good way_

He had known about Spot's small problem for a while now. Going on...two months now? Spot didn't _know_ he knew, but that wasn't Spot's fault. No one thought he was very observant.

Anyway, it didn't matter. Maybe Race was just being dramatic? The text messages could have meant nothing! And so could the longer work hours... Spot's assistant was friendly with _everyone_ , Race thought to himself. The young man was definitely friendly to him.

Race sipped his now 3rd glass of wine as he studied the photos of the two of them on the counter. Smiling, laughing, kissing. Being themselves. Being in love.

They were _still_ in love, Race told himself. He _loved_ Spot. And he knew Spot loved _him_. Glancing up at the clock, he saw that it was now 3 hours past when he told him he was going to come home, leaving Race alone with dinner and candles that went out hours again. But it was fine! Totally fine! Race didn't mean being alone.

He poured himself more wine.

_And you're about to walk in that door and say some shit you said before_

_You're getting so repetitive, I'm finishing your sentences_

_But not in a good way_

The door finally opened and Race stood quickly, if a bit wobbly. He walked over to find his love in the doorway, looking tired.

A warm pleasant feeling settled in his heart as he took Spot's briefcase out of his hand, placing a sound kiss on his lips. The shorter man hummed in surprise before placing a hand on Race's cheek and kissing him back.

"Well hello to you too, Racer," the man chuckled when they broke apart. He turned his head towards the kitchen and sniffed the air. "Is that...?

Race nodded, placing the suitcase in its place before interlacing their fingers, heart skipping a beat as he did, and leading him to the table.

On it was the dinner Race had worked on for a good majority of the day, the table barely visible underneath the amount of food prepared. Candles were placed, now out, and two glasses of wine, empty.

"Tonio..." Spot whispered, looking at him with so much regret in his eyes that it physically hurt him. He never wanted Spot to look like that again. "I'm so sorry I didn't come home earlier. I was--"

"Looking over papers with Matthew," Race finished for him. He hadn't meant to, but it was just that Spot had said that at least once a week for the past month. He saw the look of surprise and fear on Spot's face so he quickly continued. "I know, babe. It's fine. Are you hungry?"

That seemed to relax his boyfriend, who only shook his head. "More tired than anything, _mi amor_."

Race smiled upon hearing Spot's Spanish. It rarely came out, only when he was happy or feeling sappy.

_Or during sex._

The thought hit him like a bullet, but he pushed it back to the furthest region of his mind. "Okay. Okay, Spot, we can just go to bed." He pushed his hair back and laid a kiss on top of Spot's forehead. He couldn't stop the ugly jab of pain upon Spot not remembering why today was important.

Today was Race's birthday. And Spot had forgotten.

He shook his head, taking Spot's hand and leading him to their bedroom. He wouldn't have forgotten, would he? No. No, he was...planning something! That must be it! Spot was planning something for his birthday! Race smiled.

Spot really did love him.

_I kinda like it when you hurt me_

_'Cos you come over saying sorry_

_So I put up with your lies just to have you for the night, baby_

" _Dios_ ," Spot moaned out as Race's lips sucked and bit his neck, his hand resting low on Spot's waist just like he liked. He frowned into his boyfriend's skin when he saw a faint hickey just under his neck.

They made the rule not to mark each other in visible places years ago.

"Fuck." Spot grit out, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"We don't have to do anything tonight, _cuore_ _mio_ ," Race whispered against his neck. "We can just go to sleep. I know you're tired."

He was praying with every fiber in his being that Spot didn't want to do that. He _needed_ Spot to say he didn't want to do that. He needed Spot: not in a physical way, but in _any_ way. He missed Spot. He physically hurt whenever the man wasn't around. He _needed_ to know that Spot needed him just like Race needed him.

Instead of replying, Spot grabbed his hips and pulled Race fully on top of him, sliding his hands up and pulling Race's shirt off in the process. He quickly adjusted to their new position, spreading his legs to accommodate for Spot being in between them.

He leaned down and pulled Spot in, quickly parting his lips with his tongue. Both men moaned and Race whined when he felt Spot's hand find his hair and yanked it hard. In the midst of all the pleasure, though, Race picked up on something.

Spot tasted like whiskey and cigarette smoke.

He didn't drink whiskey and Spot wasn't the smoker in their relationship, Race was.

Spot tasted like someone else.

_I kinda like it when you hurt me_

_I start believing all your stories_

_But I'd rather hear you lie than hear you say goodbye to me_

_So if you're gonna lie, do it in my bed_

They weren't making love tonight, oh no. They were fucking hard and _dirty_.

Race's mouth fell into an o-shape and refused to change as Spot's thrusts found his prostate again and again and again. The thrusts were merciless but Race just lied under Spot, trying his best not to make a sound.

He clung onto Spot's shoulder when it became too much for him to handle and cried out.

Spot pulled back at the sound, concern and fear etched on his face. Through the pain, Race could almost smile: Spot cared. Cared about him.

"Did I hurt you, doll?" Spot asked, scanning Race's face up and down, eyes wide.

"N-No," Race lied, breathing hard as he forced a smile on his face. He couldn't tell Spot the truth, because then he would stop. And Race didn't want that. Race couldn't _handle_ that. He already lost so much time with Spot, had lost so much _of_ Spot. Race could handle a bit of pain.

He grabbed at Spot's hand, near desperate for his contact, and grasped it tightly.

"You're n-not hurting me at all."

_You cut me down, you cut me deep_

_You say so many names in your sleep_

_Yeah, I can tell you've been having fun_

_I don't recognize a single one_

_The fuck you been doing?_

Race stared up at the ceiling, feeling tears steadily make their way down his face.

Spot was asleep on his chest, and Race ran his fingers through the man's hair, telling himself it was nothing that Spot had said a name that wasn't his. So what, Spot had met new people, people Race didn't know. The firm hired new people all the time, that wasn't strange. The names meant nothing. Absolutely nothing.

But even then, Race was awake when the sun came up and was still awake when the alarm for 7 went off. He pretended to be asleep while Spot got ready for work and almost burst into tears when his love leaned down to kiss his forehead. 

"Love you, Tonio." He whispered, smoothing his curls back. The second Spot left, Race felt cold without him.

But he said he loved him. How could he refute that?

_They say your out with friends, but you're with her tonight_

_I checked your location, good_ _fuckin_ _' try_

_I don't say a word, I don't wanna fight_

_By loving you, I'm losing me every night_

_"Race, we need to talk."_

That was never good. 

"What do you want, Jack?" He said, sitting down because he knew his brother tended to overreact about everything.

_"I think Spot is cheating on you."_

Oh. So Jack knew too.

"W-What?"

He wasn't surprised by this, it had been going on for half a year now, he wanted to know why _Jack knew._

" _Fuck Racer, I'm sorry."_

_I don't need your sympathies right now, Jack, I need you to tell me where he slipped up._

"What happened?"

Jack went into the story, but Race was barely listening. All he got was Spot had said he was at home with him, but Jack and a few of their friends had seen him inside a bar with people none of them knew, sitting way too close to someone Race just knew by the description was Matthew. 

Before he knew what he was doing, Race was already lying for him.

"O-Oh! God, no, Jack, " Race laughed, hoping it didn't sound as fake as it felt. 

It was alarming how quickly he came up with a viable excuse, claiming a few of his friends at the firm went out to celebrate a case won and invited Spot. Race said he let him go, said that Spot felt guilty leaving him alone, but that he insisted. Jack didn't fully believe him, that much was obvious, but Race didn't let it go. 

"Spot would _never."_

_So if you're gonna lie, do it in my bed_

_If you're gonna lie, at least do it in my bed_

_So if you're gonna lie, do it in my bed_

_If you're gonna lie, at least do it in my bed_

The truth came out another year later. The shiny engagement ring on his right ring-finger felt strange and cold, but he still wore it, even when he opened the door to their apartment to find Spot and the ever-so-talented Matthew on the couch watching Race's favorite movie. The movie they watched on their anniversary every year because they watched it on their first official date. The movie Spot supposedly hated but watched it just for him.

" _Race!"_ Spot had said, jolting away from the boy in his arms. "Fuck, Race this isn't--"

"You need to hide," He had said, interrupting Spot's attempt at ' _this isn't what it looks like.'_ It was very much what it looked like, there was no denying it, but he could still fix this."You need to hide Matthew _right now."_

"What are you talking about--"

It was no use.

"Racer!" Jack called out from behind him, blissfully unaware of what he was about to walk into. "You forgot your--"

Race couldn't move. He couldn't see what Jack's face, but he knew that there was no confusing the scene in front of him. After that, it was almost as everything happened in slow motion, as if Race's head were underwater. 

He couldn't hear a word said, but he saw Jack grab Spot by the shirt and the yelling and Matthew running out of the apartment while no one was paying attention to him. Smart kid. Race could see why Spot liked him.

There was pointing, a lot of it, at Race, to the engagement photos on the wall, to Spot's chest, and to his own ring.

Jack had never really liked Spot. Everyone knew that, _Race_ knew that, but it was still a shock when Jack punched him in the gut, making him double-over and falling to the floor. That was when he was moved, rushing forward to help Spot, and when Jack held him back. Held him by the shoulders and lead him out of the apartment, and before he knew it, he was in Jack's car. 

It wasn't until they made it to his and Davey's apartment that Race let himself do something he hadn't done in years.

He sobbed. 

_If you're gonna lie, at least do it in my bed_

_If you're gonna lie, at least do it in my bed_

_If you're gonna lie, at least do it in my bed_

_If you're gonna lie, make it worth it_

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry?
> 
> Ok ok so I am sorry, but! These two have been suspiciously happy lately and I thought it'd be nice to wreck that for you 💖
> 
> I was going to write it as Race being the adulterer, but it just wasn't flowing for me, so I ended up just writing my favorite character as the absolute worst person! So fun. So so fun.
> 
> I hope you guys can see that Race's thoughts are very very warped and that he's making excuses for himself and to protect Spot. It is absolutely heartbreaking, but I know from experience that we say whatever needs to be said to protect the ones we love, even if they're hurting you.
> 
> If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, please. Listen to me. Leave. It's going to hurt, so so much, but you can't stay in a relationship like that. If there is ever any time you want to take my advice, PLEASE let it be this.
> 
> Lyrics from Fletcher's "If You're Gonna Lie"


End file.
